I would love to dive into the Chicago Bulls franchise. Of course, everyone watches the Bullies, right? You know, the team Michael Jordan played on? You can tune in on Comcast Sports… never mind. No one watches this team unless you are sad enough to purchase Jerry’s little package or bought an antenna like you’re straight out of the ’80s. Or you’re like me and randomly signed at a place in Lincoln Park with the cable being THE ONLY CABLE with Chicago Sports Network. Don’t worry, you’re not missing much.
I was very optimistic when the Bulls fired GarPax and hired a shining star in Arturas Karnisovas (yeah, I know he has accents and shit over five letters of his name, but I don’t care). He can earn all his letter hats when he builds a team that has a shot at an NBA championship. I get it, bro, the Lonzo Ball thing fucked you. Figure it out and move on, though, because you’re embarrassing our city. This guy should be thanking his lucky stars that he’s in the same town as the worst franchises and reports to an owner who already has a worse franchise to worry about.
The Bulls lack any sort of direction, and there are plenty of linear movements he makes comparable to his Chicago front office peers. Mostly, the risk-averse nature of Jed Hoyer trying to “win” every deal. He mugged Ayo and Coby, and that’s cool, but what exactly are you building here? Your only way out is to blow up this faux “core” and hope to get a high pick for a potential star. This isn’t the 2004 Pistons anymore—you need stars. Your “star” is about to get traded for a gaggle of second-round picks if anyone will take Mr. Lavine’s contract.
You had a golden opportunity early in your tenure to identify and draft a star like Tyrese Haliburton or Tyrese Maxey, but you went with the 17-year-old project 6th man out of Florida State. Maybe he was scouting Scottie Barnes and got confused? Because that guy fucking blows. Then every year, defending that pick because “he’s still so young.” I can tell you Flower Pat doesn’t have a star bone in his body. His glorious, athletic specimen, 6’9 body (no homo). Not every timid, quiet guy is Kawhi Leonard.
Fast forward from that, where he turned down first-round picks to capture that 10 seed with Alex Caruso, to then trade him in the offseason for a guy with issues off the court that cannot shoot a lick. I’d bet every follicle on that Aussie’s head that I would beat him in a three-point contest. I don’t know, though—he’s not terrible, but what do you do from here? Try to build up a young core of Coby, Ayo, Giddey, P-Will? Time is running out on the first two players’ contracts, the one with the great hair is about to get overpaid, and the last one already is overpaid.
What star will want to join that Motley Crew? Purgatory. Definition of purgatory. #RunWithUs. Fuck you, Jerry.
