Post Wild Card Weekend Coaching Predictions

And just like that, Fat Face is out of Dallas. Jerry Jones, 82, has decided to cut ties with Mike McCarthy in a shocking turn of events, especially after reports suggested he would be getting an extension. At this point, though, you can’t really be surprised by anything Jerry Jones does. He’s an 82-year-old owner and general manager of the most valuable sports franchise. That makes it six open head coaching jobs in the NFL, with the McCarthy and Vrabel news breaking over the weekend. Let’s dive into some predictions.

Ben Johnson is the most coveted head coaching target I can remember in a long time. He’s been pulling the strings for the best offense in the league, calling plays for three years now, and is highly regarded around the league. This is who I—like most Bears fans—want as head coach. But in my opinion, it won’t work out that way. Why? Because it’s the Bears, and we don’t get what we want. My prediction: Fox commentator Tom Brady somehow weasels his way into enticing Ben Johnson with the pearls of Las Vegas. It will be controversial since Brady will be tampering right in front of everyone due to his current day job. Who knew TB12 and tampering would come up in the same sentence years later? But at the end of the day, everyone loves Brady, and there’s this bad feeling in my shitty gut that says he’ll find a way to get Ben Johnson to the Raiders on a historic contract with all kinds of team control. Sorry, Cakes.

The Saints will probably go for Mike McCarthy and end up with a solid hire in Aaron Glenn. Why? I don’t know—who cares about the Saints since Drew Brees and Sean Payton left? Also, why is that team always in cap hell? I feel like I could manage their cap better than whoever is doing it now, and I had to retake both Financial and Managerial Accounting in college. Shoutout to accountants everywhere—what a soulless profession.

The Cowboys are a total wild card coming out of Wild Card Weekend. They just fired a guy who went 12-4 with a top-5 offense for three straight years before this one, where their franchise QB got hurt, leaving him to get the most out of Cooper Rush. The Cowboys go big with everything, so you’re not going to see them hire just an above-average coordinator. I predict someone like Pete Carroll, Jon Gruden (racist connections), or the opposite end of the spectrum: Mike Tomlin, if Pittsburgh lets him go. If that happens, I could see Pete Carroll heading to the Steelers to chew gum in the cold. Final prediction: Deion Sanders. Why? Because Jerry Jones is a maniac, and at the very least, they’d be wildly entertaining off the field. Big shake ups are coming out of D-town.

The Jaguars are in an interesting situation. They refuse to let go of their GM, Trent Baalke, who must know where owner Shad Khan hides the bodies. Despite years of ridicule for roster construction, he keeps outlasting whatever head coach is in Jacksonville. I can see someone like Liam Coen or Joe Brady heading to the Jaguars as they look to pair a young franchise QB with a young, up-and-coming, offensive play-calling head coach.

Now, down to two of the bottom three franchises in the NFL. I think we all know where this is headed, and my colleagues at Better Luck Next Time might want to shield their eyes for the final prediction. It’s one I’ve had for weeks.

First, the Jets—who aren’t even sure if their QB, Aaron Rodgers, will stay in New York or find a way to reach Dagobah and do shrooms with Yoda. If you haven’t seen the Rodgers documentary on Netflix, I can confirm that what you hear about him is pretty accurate. He tries to defend himself, but he’s just as full of himself and as weird as you’ve heard. Anyway, enough time has passed for Matt Nagy to fail upwards and for people to forget how atrocious he was at the end of his Bears tenure. He can pitch his “solid” record (thanks, Vic Fangio), his ability to coach in a big market, and maybe some new fashion ideas on how to wear a visor as a bald man… sideways this time? Don’t. Please don’t. From one bald man to another, cover your dome—you look like an idiot. I could also see Mike McCarthy ending up there, as the Jets seem addicted to recapturing the Packers’ success of the 2010s a decade too late.

Finally, the Bad News Bears. I can see the Schefter tweet now: “Chicago winds up with a familiar foe as Super Bowl-winning head coach makes his way out of Jerry’s World to join Caleb Williams and the power-struggle-led Chicago Bears.”

Look, I don’t want this to happen. I can already imagine McCarthy’s dumb fat face on the sidelines, mouth wide open, as we fall to the Packers at home on a game-losing field goal to start the season. Side note: The Packers are 0-2 in 2025, and the Bears have broken them. Jordan Love sucks. I’ve been saying this forever—he’s wildly overrated, and it’s Matt LaFleur who makes him look competent. Yet my feed is full of Packers fans blaming LaFleur, which is outrageous but also awesome to see.

Back to the Packers’ former coach, Mike McCarthy. He fits everything the Bears want:

• Successful prior head coaching experience
• Offensive-minded play caller
• Won’t ruffle feathers with ownership or management

McCarthy checks all the boxes. I’ll have to sell myself on the fact that he developed Rodgers and Dak and pray that he can guide Caleb down the right path. Dark Horse candidate: Marcus Freeman who is George McCaskey’s DEI wet dream. Would not mind Freeman, but keeping positive vibes we are able to land Ben Johnson and a DC with prior head coaching experience to pair with him. Bear Down!

I’ll check back in on these predictions after the Super Bowl or when the dust settles. You all have my receipt on January 13, 2025. May the chaos of the coaching carousel endure!